For one, I had kids staying for tutoring on Wednesday. One of the boys is, to use his term, “connected”. He is writing his autobiographical essay about his first time getting arrested. As I prodded him, he unloaded his life history. Another boy who was there for tutoring just listened to the exchange. He didn’t utter a word until the other boy left. Then, he said, “Ms. Lock you should be a counselor. I’ve never heard an adult talk so easily and so non-judgmentally to a kid. Do you realize what you got  him to say to you? Do you realize how much he trusts you? That would never happen with another teacher.” As I listened to him saying this, his eyes were filled with tears. I thought for sure he was going to cry. No kidding. His comment was one that caused me to stop and think about my purpose in the world. My principal tells me daily how happy he is to have me in the building teaching reading and writing, but I’ve often wondered if that’s what I’m really teaching. I find myself connected to the kids on a level that is much deeper than simple reading and writing.

I think this in tandem with the comment I posted a few days ago about art therapy is really begging the attention of my next career move. Of course, last week I had a kid email me from high school after he’d watch the segment on Oprah about the book/movie Into the Wild. I was at school, of course, and had the tv on watching it, too. We’d read sections of that book last year, and when he saw Sean Penn talking on Oprah about the movie version of the book, the student thought of me and headed straight to the computer to tell me. That was one of those moments, too. He took the time to email me.  However, there was more of that “cosmic whispering” going on when the student looked at me and said I needed to be a counselor. Couldn’t I do that and incorporate reading and writing?  Couldn’t I take all of the knowledge I have and roll it into helping kids be better people?

Two weeks ago, I was talking to a girl about her book and she veered off to her own homelife. She’s a sexual abuse survivor, she’s been placed in protective custody several times, her mother no longer wants her–because she chose the boyfriend who is the sexual predator over her daughter. Now the girl lives with her dad, who hadn’t seen her in nearly five years. She’s entered his life a stranger. A teen age girl, displaced, hurt, unwanted and he’s struggling to take care of her. My conversation with her was no longer about her book. It was about telling her that I understood. That I knew how she felt, that I was there to help her in any way I could. Ever since then, she’s been in my classroom each morning. Sometimes she curls up with a book; sometimes she chats about what she has for breakfast; sometimes she talks about how hard it is to not see her mom; sometimes she just wants to hear about what I did the night before. This is a girl who has straight A’s and because of that gets to leave school five minutes early at the end of the day as her reward and chooses not to leave so she can stay in my room and help me clean up.

The culmination of these whisperings came yesterday. I was at work, of course, when Oprah was on. The writer of Eat, Pray and Love was on there. Her story is much like the story I’ve been writing about self discovery. Two things were said: You cannot see yourself in moving waters, so you must be still and Oprah added a bible verse to the effect that “be still and you will know God.” These are the things I know. These are the things I hold true and yet the last three weeks have been about moving, moving, moving. I’ve taken little time to sit and listen. To be still.

I know what I need to do, and now I must do it. In the craziness of my life, I’ve neglected the things that matter–being still, listening.  I’m carving a new space for love, which is wonderful, but I must not neglect that space for being still and listening either.

My job in the next few days is to be still and listen to those whisperings. Am I being told to try something new? Am I going down a new path to a job/career that would allow me to intertwine all of my passions? How do I do that? Should I?

Let’s listen and see…..

Now, though, I really want to scan it and show Stacey, my very best friend, what I did. I have a scanner, a lovely one, sitting right here, but I can’t use it. For the last two years, I was an instructional coach for the district and since I had to do so much work at home, I had a laptop, and it worked with the scanner. Now, that I’m back in the classroom, I don’t have the laptop and the scanner won’t work with the iMac I’m using, which is so very sad!  If I achieve national board certification this year, though, I’ll get a nice stipend, and I think I’ll buy a laptop. I so loved the mobility of it. I could sit on the porch and write with it. Now, I feel changed to the desk.

I’m going tomorrow or Saturday, though, to look for a digital camera. I need one of those, too. Stacey wants to see my art room as it progresses, and I need a way to photograph my art projects. I love my “old fashion” camera, but without the scanner to copy my prints, I have to do something!  I’m so far behind in the technology…

I bought carpets, bean bags and throw pillows all scattered around the room for little reading nooks. Every child will have the chance to read in one of those comfy spots each week. I love this feeling of excitement that the school year brings. It always helps balance out the frustrations that will come later.

I began to paint my art room last night. I decided for a shade lighter than chocolate brown. I wasn’t sure that I’d like it or not as it went up on one wall. I left it over night before going on to any other section just to make sure it would be okay. I still wasn’t sure as of noon today, but I got back from buying a few items that will help pull it all together. I’m so excited. By Sunday, it will be done and I will have a lovely spot to retreat to after school next week.

If you’ve never seen the Somerset magazine series–artful blogging, Somerset Home, etc., you need to do so. The Somerset series is incredible. I bought Somerset Home the other night and fell in love. There are so many ideas that I’ve been trying and that I want to try. Beautiful art pieces are every where. Love it!

The house is still quiet. Jake has emailed several times and is doing great at school. Last night, I found myself wandering around the house not knowing what to do. The house was clean, supper eaten, bed made, etc. It was a strange feeling of loss and idleness and confusion. Thus the reason I started painting at 8pm, I suppose. I’ve not written a poem in two years, and I was thinking last night that I need to do that soon. It’s been a year since I wrote a professional article. It’s time to get busy on one of those, too. I can’t get over how much time I have in any given day. No husband, no kids around, just me and all these minutes click, click, clicking away.

I’m not worried, though. In a month, I’ll be complaining that I don’t have enough time. School will start, data will need to be collected, work will need to be graded, I’ll be the cheer-leading sponsor, so basketball season will be upon us before long, and, of course, so many teachers have been asking for my help with creating a reader’s and writer’s workshop, so the emptiness will soon be filled, I’m sure.

It’s odd that I’m a teacher of reading now. After all, these experiences changed me. At home, we weren’t allowed to read. My dad was an avid reader, and my mom had extreme disdain for his nose stuck in a book all the time, so she didn’t want us reading at home. She’d say things like, “if you have time to read a book, you need to be outside” or “If you sit around reading, you’ll get fat” or “there’s more value in being a tomboy than a bookworm”. Of course, I could have been both. I was a tomboy–still would rather climb a tree or dig in the dirt than any household duty, and I read, now, too. I don’t see how the two are mutual exclusive.

Write about your reading and writing experiences. If you had to create a literary autobiography what would it say? Consider the first time you remember reading? Do you remember your mom or dad reading to you? Do you read today? What’s the last book you read?

I love my job. I love encouraging writers and readers. I can’t wait to do booktalks and give my students a glimps into all the other worlds, characters, emotions that exist out there. My book shelves are stacked with all kinds of books and they are just ready and waiting for school to start, to get themselves into the hands of a reluctant reader who will get hooked, find their spot on the floor on a pile of pillows and pull them into a world where they can be a tomboy and a reader.

By the way, don’t you just love the smell of new school supplies!

I’ve been back in my classroom, trying to get it set up. It’s a sauna in there. No air conditioning, and if you are familiar with August in Missouri, you know it’s hot and humid. The box and ceiling fans just circulate the hot air.

That being said, I still love being in my classroom. I love the smell of the clean building, the unloading of new school supplies, planning my first days of school, the anticipation of meeting the new kids and their parents at back-to-school night! I love it. Funny, though, I didn’t love it as a kid. I hated school. Now, as an adult, I can’t wait for it to start. Hmm. I may need counseling!

I met with our Communication Arts leadership team, which I am a part of, and we are planning the professional development for the year. Our lead principal said we are going to have a professional blog! I was so excited I nearly fell out of the chair. The ida is that we will all post how are implementation of the workshop models is going in our room, and be a support system for each other. This in tandem with the fact that I’m trying to figure out how to use blogging as a teaching tool presents the best research project.

I plan on applying for the graduate certificate in writing at our local university. I have my master’s in English Lit. and am awaiting results on National Boards, so the certificate in writing will round out my education. Plus, it gives me a reason to research writing. I’m thinking that blogging is a great research topic that will allow me to track interactions between teachers in other buildings, teachers and students, students and students, and since technology is a huge part of our school improvement plans and knowing that technology is at the forefront of the changes coming in education, blogs are perfect!

So, as I work myself in to a routine, I will allow myself these baby steps to learning how to blog, keeping track of all the options I have for creating, sharing and learning.