Writing, Reading, Reflection

No art this weekend, but I’m planning. Over the years, I’ve learned I’m a pre-writer, pre-painter, pre-scrapbooker, all in my head. As  teacher of writing, I teach kids how to pre-write on paper, draft, revise, edit–all on paper, which is always difficult for me because I do it in my head. For years, I’d write a poem in one fell swoop, and it was perfect. My friends get annoyed when in one evening I sit down and do a complete art project or scrapbook.  It’s not that I’m super talented, by no means. I just think, think, and think some more. Let me tell you, though, this constant thinking can also get me in trouble. I always tell my friends and co-workers, “Oh, if you had any idea what was floating around in my head, you’d be frightened.” It’s true, too. I have a zillion and two things rolling in my head. I can see the next art project, feel the next story bubbling up.  Now, I just need to set aside the time to get it all out on the page, the canvas, the walls, etc.  I don’t know too many people like this, though, and that’s probably a good thing. I can remember my friend Tina writing papers in college. She’d have little arrows and scraps of paper and she’d move them around trying to compose the perfect essay. I couldn’t grasp the concept when I would just sit down and write the essay from beginning to end and be done with it.  Of course, I’d been planning the vision of the essay from the day I received the assignment.

So, today, I have a plethora of images rolling around in my head.

I read my friend Stacey’s blog today, and she awarded me the “Nice Matters” award. I am nice. I work very hard at being nice. I left a post on  her blog that said I try to do the right thing every day. It’s so important to me to be the best person I can be, to be kind and open to others and make a positive impact on their lives during the course of the day. I sleep better at night when I can maintain this. I awake each morning happier when I know I’ll be doing my best that day.

A few years ago I started Yoga and in the process of learning to meditate, I connected with my spiritual self. It was the most amazing experience. I’ve always questioned God, but the experience of meditating and connecting every day with that higher power helped change my life. I’m not religious. I refuse to adhere to a religion, but I beleive strongly in the power of God, and faith in there is a higher power who guides us when we listen. I’ve prayed over the years and it’s never filled me with anything. I found that sometimes the prayers weren’t answered, and that disappointed me. Prayer was simply me talking and hoping that “someone” heard me. Through meditation, I had to be quiet and was forced to listen to the “voice” inside of me.  That voice was guiding me in the right direction. If I followed that voice, I didn’t have to pray for help to change things because I had listened to the voice in the beginning and got to the place I needed to be. It was an amazing transformation in my life. Suddenly, I was calmer, I was more focused, I was achieving things that I never would have if I hadn’t slowed down and forced myself to listen to God each and every day.

If you’ve never read In Praise of Slowness or the miracle books, you must. And, if you don’t sit down and reflect on your life daily, you must. Listing the good things you’ve done, the gratitude you have for everything in your life–even the negative, will change your life. You have the power to change who you are if only you listen to the voice–which I always think of as my umbilical cord to God.