Writing, Reading, Reflection

I strongly believe things happen for a reason. I think we have control of our destinies in some ways; we are  given the tools of reflection and thinking that allow us to make decisions, learn from our mistakes and make better decisions the next time around. Those things that happen for a reason, though, go beyond these things. Meeting back up with Stacey is one of those “meant to be” incidents.

I’m entering a new phase in my life, and not only does Stacey “get it”, she’s supportive and helping me find my way through this new phase. She pointed me to blogging, and there are some incredible blogs to visit. I’ll be adding them to my blog roll over the next few weeks. On one sight, I found the book Where Women Create. Since college, I’ve been all about women having “A Room of Her Own”. I studied Virgina Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett-Browning, etc. All of them symbolized the strong female creator–with a room of her own. So that day when Stacey showed me the book, she also looked at my back porch and said, “Oh, this would be so cute if you…” Bam! I was inspired. I got the book from Borders, began searching for decorations for my  back porch and all needed to help refocus my energy as my son leaves for college.

This new phase is going to be scary and I’m glad Stacey is there supporting and prodding me along.

I was staring at her blog yesterday thinking of  a quick-witted comment to leave, and I noticed her “JameeAndStacey… almost like one word”, and I immediately knew what she meant. My brother and I were that way. KellyAndBobby. We were two peas in a pod. My grandparents called us Pete and Repeat. When I got to kindergarten, I wrote my name at the top of the page, and I always added Bobby’s, too. Occasionally, I’d write: Kelly, Bobby, Mom and Bob (I called my dad Bob for years, until my mom started calling him dad!) at the top of my papers, too. My teacher hated that. I’d get in trouble. Worse, there were times, she’d hand back my papers and had scratched out my brother’s name. I was so sad. This in tandem with my very dysfunctional home life, led to a separation between my brother that is wide and deep.  A true chasm between two people.

I envy the relationship that Stacey had with Jamee. I should say still has with Jamee. I do not think that the love in their relationship changed when Jamee died. In fact, I think their love keeps growing and changing and adapting in the same way it would if Jamee were still living. Just the other day, Stacey asked if she should change the title of her blog. I thought NO! As I’ve thought about it, I still say no. Stacey is strong. Stacey is coping–just as my friend Tina coped when her sister died. What I’m learning about strength in the face of death isn’t coming from Stacey, really. I think Stacey is the conduit, and all of it is coming straight from Jamee. I think of the strength she had to face death. To face cancer and the treatments. I think of Stacey telling me about the Forth of July and Jamee couldn’t see, but was trying to enjoy the fireworks. That is strength. That is coping.

Stacey, do not change the blog. Keep prodding me along, and yes, I’ll call, and yes, I’ll wait while your children interrupt you a million times!